Tiger Woods gave his apology. No surprise in that, since public apologies are rampant these days, even from the Toyota folks. I saw a report on one of the talking head stations that Mr. Wood’s sponsors accepted his apology. I don’t know which ones, but it’s not really germane here. This started me to wonder what accepting an apology means. So I turned to Wiki.answers and here is how it defined an apology: “An acknowledgment expressing regret or asking pardon for a fault or offense.” So by offering his apology Woods apparently is saying that he is sorry for what he did and he is asking us to pardon his fault or offense. I have had as a general rule that when I complain to a customer service representative about something their employer has done that is faulty or when the employer has committed an offense against me, that I hear the apology as accepting responsibility for the employer’s mistakes. I then will hold my pique in check. If they give me something akin to “that’s the way we do it” I mostly become angrier. But even an apology does not lead me to forgive the perceived offense. To me, accepting an apology takes our customer/ business relationship back to a somewhat neutral place, but it does not mean that I pardon the original offense. In other words, I am willing to forgo my anger until I see what happens next. So, if I accept Woods’ apology, I think I am only saying thanks, but I reserve the right to see that the offense does not happen again. An apology is a good first step, but to show that it is more than manipulation, the person giving the apology must show over time that he/she will not commit the offense again. In addition, by saying” thanks for the apology” I am not always saying that I forgive the transgression because some transgressions are so great that they cannot and maybe should not be forgiven. To me that’s a good self-protection strategy, that is, it makes me wary of the guilty party and what he/she might do in the future. Even if Bernie Madoff apologized to me for stealing my money, I would not give him my money to invest again. So if I was Mrs. T. Woods, I would say thanks for the apology and then proceed with great caution. “Once burnt, twice shy” seems appropriate. It the transgressor finds that unacceptable, then so be it. At least I would not have fallen victim again.
I completely agree with this post. Actually this Tiger Woods story resonated with some personal experience. I do agree that it is "a good self-protection strategy" as you said. While recognizing the offense is a first step which needs to be taken and leads to self-reflection, if it is not followed by active steps to correct it and actually change, provided that change is possible, then it is not worth much.
ReplyDeleteI was once in the same exact shoes as Mrs. Woods and I stepped out, because the offense was so great, destructive and dangerous at every level that I did not see how trust could be restored.
Forgiveness is an entirely different matter, once may forgive and understand the mechanisms that led to a transgression. Part of the process of forgiveness, I think, is understanding and compassion. But it does not mean that the transgression has to be forgotten and wiped out completely. This is a learning process, when you have learned that this transgression did happen and is possible, I do not think there is any turning back. And that does not mean forgiveness is impossible, but now it requires an awareness of what happened and an active effort to overcome it. I forgave totally, but never forgot and learned a great deal in the process.
Sorry for rambling... :)